Monday, August 10, 2009

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

I have so many things to cover in this post that i just might have to break it into two. First of all, Welcome to all the new readers I got this last week. If you haven't yet, subscribe to my blog via this link.

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I noticed that by posting almost daily last week, my readership grew so I guess I have to work on being more consistent. Okay, I have a bunch of personal updates. It's a mixed bag and I'm not sure how to take it all.

The first major thing is that my parents are going to be having a major impact on my debt. They have been hounding me for the longest time about my credit card debt. They kept saying they had a feeling I had a lot and wanted to know the amounts. I never told them, not because I had a problem accepting money from them (if indeed they wanted to pay it off) but because I knew if they paid it off, they would put numerous (understandable) restrictions and I didn't want to deal with that. I also didn't actually want to tell them how much debt I was in because truth be told, it's embarrassing and I didn't want to deal with a lecture. I resolutely told them, "I got myself into this and I'll get myself out." Fast forward to this past weekend, I got a call from them and the long story short is, she has decided to give m 10k to pay off my debt (I have more than that but that was the amount I was willing to admit to) and they would forgive half and I would pay back the other half over one year. The point of this she said, was so that I would avoid paying interest on my debt.

Now I know some of you have issues with "free money" but I'm not really trying to discuss that. I have heard that point of view and I see your point but I don't feel the same way. The downside of this is since I didn't' admit how much debt I have, I actually end up paying more each month b/c I still have to make payments on the other CC's I didn't admit to. Paying 5k back in one year adds up to $420 a month. So while I will pay off my debt faster (and be debt free before 30) but my monthly situation has not really changed. Now I (almost) which I had told the truth. I say almost because I truly think my mom would have had a massive attack if she knew how much debt I was in.

Second thing is not pf related but it also relates to lying. My mom is having a landmark birthday this year and they wanted to go to Europe (and bring me along). However, my friend is getting married on her actual birthday and I've known about this wedding for a year and a half. Knowing my folks, I couldn't just say "hey, I'd rather go to s friends wedding" so I told them I could take 3 days of work but I'd have to leave the day before her bday. I blamed it on my crazy work schedule. My mom was a bit disappointed but I assured her that we could celebrate the day before and it would not make much of a difference. I thought I was in the clear...until I got a message that plans had changed and the whole family would come to NYC to celebrate since I couldn't get that day off.


I can't win. Now I don't get to travel AND I miss the wedding I wanted to go to. What do you guys think? I am a bad daughter for wanting to go to the wedding? At this point I might make up a story and say "oo, now I can make it to Europe."

Dear bloggers, what would you do?


  1. That 10K is a blessing from your parents, who just want you to succeed. Take it! And make them proud!

    My mom would understand the wedding, but my mom would never plan a trip to Europe, so I'm not sure. Maybe try to plan up an alternate trip so you can do both?

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  3. The 10K is a positive for both...your parents get to write it off the taxes as a gift & you're closer to your debt goals - so, don't feel guilty.

    Honestly, I'd go to Europe with my family (especially in this economy if I didn't have to pay for air or hotel). Unless this is normal vacation for you and your family. Your parents appear to be very supportive and hopefully your close to your mom, almost girlfriend-type close. (I know I'm making wild assumptions, but it's just my opinion) - your friend would understand if you missed her wedding (unless you're supposed to be in it)...

    Go to Europe.

  4. Seriously? Take the money. I know how you feel, and I constantly downplay the amount of debt I still have to my relatives, so they won't

    a) freak out and give me those disappointed looks
    b) present me with the "do you want the money" dilemma

    I haven't worked up the courage to admit my situation, and there's a lot to be said for standing on your own, but I have to say that at the end of the day, your family's there to make you feel awkward and love you anyway, so why not go for it?

  5. Take the 10 grands and say yeah! CAN I HAVE A G?
    Call your mom this saturday and tell her that after talking to your boss/manager he finally agreed, so you can be back to Europe in no time

  6. Take the 10 grand, but only put 5 grand onto the credit cards, put the other 5 grand aside to pay your parents back in a year's time. This will help you without putting the extra stress on your monthy budget to pay them back. Wedding vs birthday - difficult situation. You need to do what feels right.

  7. I've been thinking about this post since you wrote it...on one hand, lying to your family is not a good idea, but on the other, it's your business how much of your financial situation you want to reveal. For example, my parents know that it's been a little difficult for us lately, but not the messy details. I have the type of relationship with my parents that I can tell them to butt out, but not everyone can do that. I think you walked a fine it possible for you talk about this with your mom - i.e., I still have debt to address beyond the 10k, but I'm embarrassed and I want to take care of the rest of the mess I made myself. Maybe you can tell them this, and work out an arrangement where you spend 2 years to pay them back the 5k, or they may want you to simply have the whole thing. If not, stick with your plan.

    I agree with one of the anon. commenters - tell your mom you spoke with your boss and you've been able to get the full time off. There's no way you can back track now and tell them about the wedding, but at least the full Europe trip can be back on.

    Good luck!


Hit me with some tough love